


away from home

by vectacular



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 07:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3561728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vectacular/pseuds/vectacular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide's always going to be there, Kaneki knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	away from home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic, and since lately I've been feeling like bashing my head against a wall when it comes to writing... well, this was almost finished and so I finished it. *shrugs*

Hide has a girlfriend. She’s bright and she’s interested in what he reads and he might hate her a tiny bit. But shem makes Hide happy, so he just keeps quiet.

And okay, she also steals Hide away to do couple things, but he’s also not worried about that because Hide will always be there.

* * *

 

“Don’t you think it’d be fun to travel?” Hide asks one day and he bites his lip in thought.

“Maybe? I just want to focus on uni though,” he nods, satisfied with his answer. Hide squints across from him before taking a gulp of his coffee.

His best friend then leans in closer to him, face serious and his heart skips a beat. “Okay, but what if I wanted us to run off together and explore the world?”

He gapes a bit, feeling his face flush for some reason before he looks away. “Th-that’d be irresponsible,” he mutters. It would be nice though. As long as Hide’s there.

* * *

 

Life goes on as normal. University, Hide, dinner with Hide and his parents, reading. Going out for movies and watching TV together. Currently he’s working on an essay, unlike his best friend who’s on the couch watching TV. When he also has stuff to do for his courses.

“Hey, Kaneki?” Hide says over the sound of the TV and he pulls his eyes away from his laptop to blink at the blond.

Hide says nothing else, making him worry a bit, “Hide?”

He hears Hide move until Hide’s suddenly next to him. They bump shoulders, and the blank expression on Hide’s face makes him frown. “Naru and I have been talking,” Hide starts talking softly, eyes still focused on the table, “we’ve decided to… not run away, just… go and explore Japan, y’know?” Hide smiles at him nervously.

It feels like his heart drops out of his body, and he tries to think of something to say beyond the cold shock. “W-When?”

The blond shrugs, “sometime soon. We’ve talked it over with our parents and they’re okay about it, oddly enough.” Hide scratches the wood on the table restlessly, “Kaneki?”

He gulps and finds his heart is now in his throat. _Can I come too?_ He wants to ask. “W-What about―“ _me?!_ “―Kamii?” Has the world suddenly tilted on it’s axis? Why?!

“I’ll figure that out whenever I get back,” _whenever?!!?_ “plus, I just… want to get away. From y―“ HIde nibbles on his lip, “Tokyo. It’s my home and it’d be fun to find out what I’m like when I’m not here,” his best friend beams at him, and the smile he gives in return feels brittle.

* * *

 

Hide announces that he’s left Tokyo with a text and he wishes he could go back and say “can I come too?”

He wishes he could get past this anxiety and leave Tokyo too, and follow Hide wherever he goes. But he feels trapped behind his emotions, weak.

* * *

 

They text. But it’s not the same as seeing the blond smile when they meet up. And he misses Hide’s warmth as they sit and watch a TV show or movie together.

There’s also pictures sent too. Selfies, photos of wherever he’s staying sometimes, food…

Hide rings him up sometimes, too. His best friend mumbles excitedly about what they’ve seen, about this or that cool thing, and how he misses food from home still, and whatever else is on his mind. He misses Hide’s voice.

He misses _Hide_.

* * *

 

Around two months after Hide’s gone, he wakes up with a need to see Hide’s smile in person.

He goes over to Hide’s place, because they always tell him where Hide is with his standing invitation for dinner. With determination he never knew he had, he he plans to visit Hide and… do something. Make him come home? Stay with him and abandon school?

He’ll figure it out once he finds his best friend.

* * *

 

In his single-minded need to see HIde, he doesn’t really remember where Hide even is, or the trip there. Walking around to where Hide’s staying, he looks around the street. It looks like any other street, but also different. There’s still buildings, a street, the hustle of people on the sidewalk,

He’s wondering how long he’ll have to wait outside Hide’s hotel. It seems not long, catching sight of Hide’s bright hair soon after and his heart skips a beat. It looks longer, but it’s definitely his best friends. Hide looks in his direction, and says something to the girl next to him ― his girlfriend.

Darting between the people, he sees Hide’s girlfriend walk away, and he smiles as he comes closer. “Kaneki… ?” Hide sounds confused, saying his name again as he hugs his best friend. He nuzzles into Hide’s shoulder, happiness bubbling up as he revels in being close to HIde for the first time in months. Usually he would be getting hugged back by now, but he’s not? “What are you doing here?” Hide says, voice soft and tired.

“I missed you,” his voice cracks as he squeezes Hide, pulling away to look at Hide’s face. He worries at Hide’s jacket, gulping as he tries to get words out. _I…_ “I… need… you…” His best friend looks shocked at the words, eyes going wide, and he hides in the warm fabric of the blond’s jacket.

Hide exhales, and he’s confused as his best friend pushes him away by his shoulders gently. The only emotion he can recognise in Hide’s expression is sadness, and his heart aches as Hide begins to smile. He wanted to see Hide smile, but not a melancholy one. “That’s why I left,” Hide says, voice soft and cracking and he doesn’t want to hear this. _No! Stop! Shut up!_ “i don’t need you.”

And the world falls away. _No! No! You’re lying!! Please… stop lying… stop…_ He tries to speak ― to shout, to rage, to _cry_ ― but everything’s locked up and he’s helpless as Hide walks away.

Reeling from the emotions, the world comes back in harsh, stark tones. The unfamiliar street is too loud and it doesn’t smell of Tokyo _at all_. Somehow, he’s ended up sitting down, wall against his back and he takes a deep breath, feeling something in him _hurt_ and he chokes.

* * *

 

Miserably, he makes his way back to his apartment, spending the long trip looking out the window. His apartment is just the way he left it, but everything seems… duller. And painful. Hide used to come over, for dinner or to study or to just hang out and he can’t help but think of those times.

Tokyo and this apartment may be his home, but he really only feels happy when he thinks about how Hide hurt himself on that playground, or how Hide made him laugh at that mall and even Tokyo begins to feel unfamiliar without Hide there.

He’s pathetic. They’ve been together for so long, but Hide _doesn’t need him_. Hide left because of _him_.

With a cold realisation, he begins to understand that Tokyo wasn’t his home, or his apartment. It was Hide.

* * *

 

Life goes on, and he still goes to university and Hide’s parents ring him up to come over for dinner still. Hide has yet to contact him, and he tries to find out where Hide is again, but the blond has become vague to his parents, only mentioning what’s happened, but not _where_ it happened.

Days pass, until weeks pass, until it’s been months and he focuses on university and his books, with Hide’s parents gently leaving hints that he should find a job. A job would be nice and distracting but it’s difficult to scrap together motivation to actually _look_. It’s difficult to do anything that doesn’t require the delicate routine he set actually.

School, books, TV, movies, don’t think about how _your own best friend doesn’t want to be around you, left because of_ you―

* * *

 

**_This festival was AWESOME!!_ **

**_The place I’m staying kind of sucks, but it’s better than the last place._ **

**_Broke up with Naru. It hurts but I’m okay. She’s going to split at the next town._ **

**_I just had the best okonomiyaki EVER!! Sorry dad, but they’re better than yours._ **

**_I miss my bed. It’s just the way I like it._ **

**_Running a bit low on money and there aren’t a lot of odd jobs around here._ **

* * *

 

A year and a half. Hide’s been traveling for over a year when Hide’s parents announce before their dinner that Hide will be coming back home. He can’t tell if the news is frightening or relieving for him, between the suddenly clammy hands and how he relaxes. Both?

And Hide’s parents are excited and saying _of course you’ll come along with us, Kaneki-kun!_ and he feels a bit sick. He’s gotten used to the loneliness, to Hide not being there and now he’s _returning?!_

He smiles faintly, suddenly feeling too tired and conflicted as they set up dinner happily.

* * *

 

The day comes where Hide returns and his stomach is tied-up in knots next to Hide’s parents as they wait at the train station.

 _Should I really be here?_ Hide doesn’t _need_ him and he might be angry when they see each other again. He twitches and considers fleeing before the train comes. Just put off this for another day. Even if that day he’d still react like this, still not want to face Hide.

He’s jostled into Hide’s mother by the crowd, which grows even more as the oncoming train is announced. Soon, the train with Hide on it arrives, and he stares down at the floor, looking at the hustle of people’s feet as they entered or left.

A battered pair of orange sneakers come into view, with some pink and green tape to hold them together. Hide. Tensing, he he fixes his gaze on the floor as Hide catches up with his family next to him. _Maybe I should just…_

Before he could start inching away from the reunited family, “Kaneki,” Hide says, effectively freezing him on the spot. Hide’s sneakers come to stand in front of him.

He tries to make himself smaller, wishing that he brought a scarf to hide in. There’s a faint urge to look up, to see Hide after all this time, but he can’t.

Hide steps closer. “Kaneki,” the blond says it so quietly he strains to hear it over the busy station. “Kaneki,” Hide says for the third time, and his heart flutters “about what I said… I’m sorry. I’m not expecting you to forgive me or anything, but just know that I…“ Hide pauses, “I didn’t mean it!”

Licking his lips, he can feel his fear melt away and it seems the world has gone silent as his eyes slowly go up from battered shoes, to blue pants. And then up to a shirt with an English word on it, noticing Hide’s clenched fists as he tilts his head up, heart jumping as he looks at Hide’s face

**[Fin]**

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, it's meant to end like that. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. Or you enjoyed being hurt by it? Whatever. 
> 
> Feel free to comment here or [my blog](http://lenreli.tumblr.com/ask)~ (◡‿◡✿)
> 
> [(Rebloggable)](http://lenreli.tumblr.com/post/113865307860/hidekane-away-from-home)


End file.
